Will You Dance With Me?

I'm still in Utah, but there is a very good reason for it. Actually a few good reasons for it. Also, the reason I haven't updated sooner is because while I was with Richard Frost at his house with his family they only have dial up so it was really hard and annoying to try and get on the internet and figure things out, but now I am elsewhere where I can get to the internet anytime I want so here I am. And here I go, starting from the beginning...

I left on Sunday the 5th of October from the Sacramento Train Station. The train was pretty much on time, just a few minutes late which was very nice. Mom stayed with me until it stopped and until I new which car I was getting on. We said our sweet goodbyes before I departed to start a whole other chapter in my quickly changing life.

The Train:

The furthest car back wasn't in working condition so they pushed everyone forward and placed me next to an 18 year old boy named Zach. He was SUPER tall and kind, we had many good conversations and he let me watch a movie on his PSP. We played a few card games and eventually he fell asleep. The only downside to that short story was that he smoked... along with over half of the people in the car that I was in. I think there were maybe five of us that didn't, I was one of those five and another was a 4 year old kid, but his dad smoked... It was terrible. After the short stops everyone would get back on and the car would stink really bad and so would Zach, which I told him about. Haha. Night fell and everyone fell asleep and you weren't allowed to go to any other car really... which was annoying. Especially for those of us that couldn't sleep very well and wanted to move around... which consisted of me. *Sighs* Oh well, finally I fell asleep but not for long, and then it was off and on. Not to mention I was getting cramped from trying to sit still so I wouldn't wake up Zach. I remember watching the door slide open and hearing the lady tell the first Salt Lake passenger that we were 15 minutes out of Salt Lake and I was excited. I could move!!!! She came over and smiled at me and I politely thanked her for letting me know before I was up and trying unsuccessfully to retrieve my luggage from the above racks. I had been able to get one of them in at the beginning of the voyage but now it was pushed back against the wall and the other Zach had shoved in. I wasn't going to get those things to move any time soon. I had to wake up Zach who kinda glared at me then snorted and called me short. Once both of them were out I moved them down the steps of the car to the lower level and placed them in an area that would be easy to reach when we stopped. I grabbed some clothes to change into to make a good impression and brushed my teeth, but still I felt grimy and gross. Not to mention I was tired, hungry, and irritated, which made me feel even worse. I wanted to be off of there and in Salt Lake with Richard. Finally the train pulled to a stop, I said my quick farewell to Zach before walking quickly away from the gathering smokers and towards what I hoped would be warm welcoming arms. I hadn't planned which arm would carry what bag and so I ended up with the heavier of the two on my bad arm which made things very hard and I struggled to walk with weight of the two bags. I had brought a bunch of my old stuffed animals and ponies for Richards siblings and they filled one bag while the other was only my stuff. I travel light :D I had my head down so I could step over the tracks but finally was able to look up and there he was. I promise you at that moment he was my night and shining armor (still is ;) ) and I couldn't help but smile. As promised there was a huge hug waiting for me and I anxiously returned it. It felt like it had been forever.

Meeting Mom and Heather:
His mother and Heather, his almost 19 year old sister, had joined him on the drive down here, but being smart they stayed in the car where it was warm! It was so cold that night! (And every night here!) Heather and I kicked it off right away and we get along amazingly well, but Marlene (Frosts Mom) was another story… She was very quiet and reserved and she doesn’t like change at all… She was nervous about meeting me cause she thought I would think she wasn’t good enough, along with a bunch of other reasons and it was showing. I thought maybe it was just because it was really early and she was tired… Sadly it wasn’t. Heather and I though, talked a lot on the way back to their place and Richard and I lip sunk to a few songs which was really fun while I was shivering under a coat they had brought for me which was very thoughtful. They did turn up the heater though which was nice.

The Family:

Once we arrived at the Frost’s house Marlene went to bed and Heather showed me to her room with Richard following close behind, I put my stuff down, more like Richard put my stuff down and Kevin (Richards 17 year old brother) happened to be up, so we exchanged hello’s before Heather went back to bed and Richard and I ventured out to the family room, with Kevin watching. (More like staring) :p

No matter how much I wanted to fall asleep during that movie that we started watching I couldn’t. Because as soon as we started it, about 20 or so minutes later the kids started to wake up. And now I will list of the entire family for you…

Melvyn (Daddy), Marlene (Mother), Richard (21), Heather (Almost 19), Kevin (17), Kimberly (15), Joseph (13), Emma (11), Samuel (9), Lily (6), and Matthew (2 ½ )

Of the kids, Kimberly was the last one that I met, but over all Daddy was the last one. All of them stared at me like crazy for the first day, (Emma still stares at me) but that was okay cause by the end of the first day everyone had settled down (except Emma). At one point during the day Richard and I left to go to the park to get some peace and quiet and so we could talk, while we were there he said that the next day we were going to go to a different park, a bigger one, with lots of trees. When we went back home there was dinner and then we all watched a movie together, which is when I passed out. Then I had enough sleep to watch a movie again with Richard. We did that every night, it is just kinda our thing, it’s relaxing and it’s “us” time.

The 2^nd Park:

The whole day I was anxious to go to this park, I asked Richard a few times when we were going to go, or if we were going to, he found that silly and cute. Finally we were about to leave when he couldn’t find his blue duffle bag… I’m a curious person and he didn’t bring anything to the park last time so I was wondering what he needed the bag for and what he was going to put in it… He didn’t tell me… Finally he found it and while I was talking to Heather he put what he needed into it. As we were leaving the house I was focused not to ask about the bag, but he brought it up as we walked out to the car. He told me a blanket was in it and I said “Ya right” he laughed and said he was serious but I only half believed him. There was something else in there too…

We got to the park and he pulled out the bag also before we walked over to the play set and I began to climb and have fun with him following and laughing. I was succeeding in not asking about the bag, when he brought it up. I said something along the lines of, “I was doing so well to keep my curiousity down!” He chuckled and nodded before saying, “Ya, I noticed. It was a little too well.” After a few minutes of that going back and forth he finally said, “Do you want to know?” I stubbornly grumbled the response yes but smiled to let him know that I was teasing. He laughed before saying. “Okay, well I have a question for you…” My heart started racing as he reached into his pocket. I knew he was going to propose while I was there and that question made my stomach to flips. Anyway, he reached in his pocket and handed me a note that was about the size of the first one he gave me and on the inside said something around this…

“Hi There!

I love you Crystal! Congratulations, you have made it to the Frosty Game show! Would you like to play? Yes – or – No”

Next to the yes and no were boxes for me to check. Me, being the silly girl I am, checked yes and then wrote maybe next to it. It was hilarious as he read it and quickly turned around to say, “Maybe?!” with a big smile on his face, I laughed and then said, “Hey I checked yes didn’t I?” He then proceeded with “the game show.” Here are the things I had to do.

1.) I had to listen to him recite lots of movie quotes and then tell him what movie they were from. That was so much fun! He got really into them and on a few of them, like one from Lion King where Pumba just got called pig and he goes, “They called me MR. PIG!!! AHHHH!!!!!” Richard yelled them like he was supposed to and I was cracking up laughing and I swear that the whole street could have heard him because it echoed.

2.) He had 3 by 5 note cards with memories of us on them, that I had to put in order. Here they are. First time we saw each other, playing with the kid, the little note, first time we spoke, first hug, first dance, and first kiss.

3.) I had to beat the worlds longest hug. We don’t really know what the time on that is so we just had a very very long hug.

4.) He pulled out a hang man. I’m not very good at hang man most of the time so I was a little nervous about that, but as soon as I saw it I smiled as I noticed that it fir perfectly with I Love You. I asked him if I could just guess it and he acted all shocked before saying something along the lines of… “Well no one has ever done that in this game show! You sure you want to do that?” I said yes and guessed and got it right.

(Side note!) All through out this he would say, “I have a question for you” And every time he did that my heart started to pound really really bad! Also after this one he kissed me (again) and I said, “So correct me if I’m wrong, but I thought the Host wasn’t supposed to fraternize and kiss the contestants?” He looked at me quizzically before thinking fast and saying something along the lines of, “Oh well it says in this booklet here in section 387 of 91 part E that on October 7 that is allowed.” I said oh really, can I see that? And he said maybe later.

5.) Next, he had written down LOTS of memories and things we like to do together down and I had to write seven of them down and match his. So I did, and the first one both of us had written was Dancing. Him and I love dancing together and Singing and all that Art stuff. I’m so glad that he is into all that like I am. He said that it was amazing and that no other contestant had been this far. I laughed and then said, “How many contestants have there been?” He cleared his throat and whispered “Well, you’re kinda the first” Or something along those lines. I chuckled and then said “Good.”

6.) He stared at me for a little bit and then said well, this brings us to the last question. Which is when my heart started pounding really really REALLY bad. Then he took my hand and said, “Crystal, (dramatic pause) Will you dance with me?” I let out this HUGE sigh and said, “Yes I would love to.” He led me out onto the grass before telling me to close my eyes and not to move. He proceeded to run back and gather everything up before coming back with a song playing that is now our song. “Come What May” From Moulin Rouge. I asked what we would be dancing with a huge smile on my face and he said, “well the foxtrot goes very well with this song.” So we danced the foxtrot, and I tried to sing a little bit and it almost messed me up and then he tried to and completely messed both of us up. We laughed and ended the song in a hug. He then said, “I have one last question for you.”

He went down on one knee as I felt the blood rush from my face and my heart speed up to triple time. He pulled out a ring that I only glanced at for maybe a quarter of a second, before staring at him again. “Will you marry me?” I couldn’t do or say anything, I just stood there! In my head I was screaming at myself, SAY YES SAY YES!!!! And finally I was able to speak, but all that came out was, … ya… in a tiny voice I barely recognized. He smiled really big and slid the ring onto my finger before giving me a huge hug.

I later found out that he was freaking out and super nervous the entire time and when I barely glanced at the ring and didn’t say anything for a bit he was even more nervous. There is no way I would have said anything other then yes though!!!

The Ring:

It is beautiful! It’s white gold with an aqua-marine stone in the middle and two smaller ones on the out side. I love it! He wasn’t sure if I would and was worried when I didn’t stop to look at it when he asked me but I do. I love it and I told him that over and over and over again. So yes… I’M ENGAGED!!!!

I Can't Believe I'm Doing This!

I've been doing a lot of thinking, actually Frost and I have been doing a lot of thinking and we have only been dating for about a month and talking a little over a month and known each other for about four and a half months, but both of us know that we don't want to be away from each other. I don't know how we know this or anything but we do. It all feels right and so natural! I know this is supposed to be happening. So anyway, him and I have been thinking and we have determined that I am moving to Utah. I was going to wait to move till after Thanksgiving, but I'm going to go back as soon as we find out what the orhto. surgeon says about my shoulder. It's craziness I know, but it was either I move there or he move here and he has already started school up there. We can't stay apart from each other that long. It has only been a few days and it feels like forever! Not even kidding and the other night we spent over 5 hours on the phone! I have never talked on the phone that long to anyone. It's amazing. So I'm moving to Utah, to the state I loath, to be with the man I'm completely in love with. Wow.
Things are moving pretty fast which is exciting. I will be getting a job up there as soon as possible and then continuing on to Snow College which is south of Orem. I will be rooming with Heather his sister who I get a long with amazingly well. It is going to be a lot of fun!

The Frost Has Gone

So, yesterday Frost left and it was a lot harder then both him and I thought it would be. Both of us couldn't stop thinking about the fact that he was leaving Sunday night and it made things really hard. Both of us cried and both of us are having a hard time now. He is okay cause he has ALL of his family and he has things that he has to get done but I don't have much. I have things that I'm working on and things I'm planning out, but I don't have a job, and I'm not in school, and my family is not around most of the time. Ug... it's good to have a brain, not having one would be bad but sometimes having one makes things a lot harder... I miss him. This is a pic of me with the blanket he bought me. It's huge!!! And super fuzzy and soft, I love it!
Anyway, on a happier note!
Things went great during the week and I told you about half of it, but here is the other half. This is for you Leslie!
Friday or Saturday, I dont remember which one it was but one of the two Melanie, Angel, Frost, and I were all suppose to make chocolates and put pretzel sticks in them but Frost and I kinda fell asleep...

Thanks to Melanie I have a picture of that. I like it though so it's okay, haha. Anyway, when we finally woke up the Chocolate stuff was already mostly done and they were just finishing up on the last ones.So instead of helping Angel and Melanie with the very end of them. Frost and I decided to have a tiny chocolate fight. He was able to get more chocolate on me but I got his face :D and it was fun. Plus he had a big spoon and I just had a tiny little paint brush thing. hehe. Sunday was really good as well. We both got up and went to my Moms ward and all throughout the day him and I kept feeling like this was right and natural and that it was just perfect. Him and I talk about everything and we are so comfortable around eachother and it's just... wonderful. It's great and I hope it stays that way. Not to mention everyone here who has met him loves him and Mel and him get along really well which is fun. :D

Fourth Day Full of Frosty Goodness!

Lol so the title is a little silly but I like it. Anyway, Richard has been here for three full days, but this is technically his fourth. It's amazing how eazy it was to have him here and how natural it is to be around him. Both him and I thought that it would be a little awkward at first, but it wasn't! He got off the train and I was purposefully on the opposite side of the train from the side he gets off on and once the train started to move I walked towards him. It was great and like I said very natural. We gave eachother a huge hug and every moment since has been wonderful. He is currently washing dishes, lol. I have no idea why all he said was that I was in the shower and he needed something to do, haha. It's wonderful how much he wants to help out. It's been great we've danced, watched movies, played the piano, played board games, had tickle and pillow fights. lol it has just been "A Whole New World" of fun and happiness. It's a little weird and very different but I love it.
However, when the train pulled up to the station it stopped right before the place where they could let people off and they stopped for about 10-15 minutes, it was very aggrivating and frustrating. I kept saying in my head. "It's right there! I can see the train, come on!" Lol, they had to switch the track over though and apparently that takes a bit... who would have guessed. Anyway, that was the only bad/frustrating thing and even that was well worth it and was even after the first hug.
Also I am so excited that my family likes him, and angels excited and melanie said that he is sweet and nice and she said that if she didn't like him, he and I would know. lol, it's great! I love having my family love the guy I'm with, it's wonderful.

A Lot of Insight to a Lot of Past

So, a lot has happened since April. One! Almost half a year wait... okay almost 6 months so ya almost half a year. Okay starting from the beginning....

So as you all know Chris and I had been together for a little bit in April and it was all fine and dandy, yay. Well, Junior prom happened and it was a ton of fun and my dress was pretty and I felt really nice. Although the dress wasn't what I really wanted but oh well. It was a dress and we were short on time but I looked good in it! Haha, okay so school kept happening and I was in homeschool and did concert band at Del Oro. I was going to graduate last year but decided it was too overwhelming so I didn't. Senior ball was wonderful... That night I don't think I will ever forget about. I felt beautiful and perfect. I had a gorgeous blue dress though it wasn't modest, and my shoes fit perfectly. My hair was down and wavy and pulled back at the top only slightly so I could put some sparkly jewerly into it. It was perfect and Chris had a matching suit. It fit perfectly. School continued and then ended along with Chris and my relationship. I say it casually but it hurt just as much if not more as the last time it happened as well. So time went on and then my life took an interesting twist that I wasn't expecting and this is where it gets interesting.
About twoish months ago a missionary name Elder Frost was transferred into my sister Angels ward and I noticed him imiditally. I came out of young womans and he was sitting there reading his scriptures with his head down and as I looked he raised his head and I could have sworn that I had seen him before and knew him from somewhere. I knew I didn't but I was curious. So for a while him and I played the eye game and I'm positive you all know what I'm talking about. I never said anything to him and visa versa, and we never shook hands or touched or anything. So there was one Sunday where this little boy maybe 2 was running around the church and I was entertaining him. Finally he ran over to Frost and Frost played along with it perfectly giving me the advantage to sneak up on the boy and "scare" him though I didn't. The boy did that a few more times and Frost would play Rock Paper Sissors with him or something and it was really nice and fun. The only three words I ever said to him were "He's a rascal" and that was referring to the little boy. After that there was nothing, just eyes and smiles, no matter how much I wanted to talk to him I wouldn't. He was a missionary and I was just some girl in his area. No way! Okay so a few Sunday's later there was a church meeting on marrages, basically on Prop 8 though they didn't call it that. Frost was there and he was sitting right next to Angel. We played the eye game still and when the meeting ended I ran straight to Angel and gave her a huge hug! David was in town so him and all the other young men and men were putting away chairs as I sat there talking to the woman and my sister and watching this mysterious missionary. And that was when the whole thing changed. Frost was able to get my attention to tell me just through motions and eyes that he was leaving a note for me. I was nervous cause I didn't want it to say something like, "You're creeping me out, stop watching me." or something along those lines. I was nervous. But no... it didnt say anything close to that. And although I have the note right here and could say exactly what it said I wont. I will only summerize. He said that he wished he had the opportunity to get to know me better and he thanked me for my smile and said that it brightened his day. He told me when he was going home and gave me his information and then said that he would to get to know me better but left it in my hands by finishing with.

"... if you get the time, and if you would like to. Take care, and keep smiling! :) "

If he had left it with "I want to get to know you" I probably would have thrown it away and never looked back but he was so sweet and I was so taken by this missionary that I couldn't stop smiling and I wanted, really wanted, to get to know him better. So I sent him an email to let him know I received his little note and I would love to get to know him AFTER his mission. So we stopped talking and would see each others on Sunday still playing the eye and smile game but with more knowing.
PAUSE!!! Okay so right in the middle of this Band was insane. We got a new band director because Calvo resigned due to family issues and our new director was Mr. Brown. We were so excited and we all liked him. He had a vision for the band and he was alumni of Del Oro. But he didn't stay for very long, and during band camp we gained the current band director Ms. Sleigh... Everything changed and she is a first year fresh out of college. And from what has been said she has never done marching band before either. None of the seniors were happy with the way things were going but none of us were willing to admit that to any of the instructors... that is, all but me. I finally said something to Sleigh and Steve (brass instructor) about an adult who they had used during band camp that no one really liked and I'm glad I did. She hasn't been back since and wether that is from me or because of other things I do not know but did didn't come back. Also during band camp my shoulder steadily became worse from the fall I had two years ago. I also was a squad leader and it was fun. We were Crystal's Crazies! lol ;) it was great. Okay so back to Frost...
Frost returned home and I checked my email every day hoping he would write, it took him a week before he responded but that was perfectly alright as I knew he would be busy. Well it didn't take long for him and I to give out our numbers and we continued to call and talk on the phone. We decided that we wanted to see each other and be able to "touch" and hang out in person so we decided that he would come down for Thanksgiving week. Well, that was to far away so he is coming out here this week!!! He will be here on Tuesday! Anyway, he is my boyfriend and my entire family likes the pairing which is something that has never happened and I like the feeling.
Okay so now that your up to date... sort of... on Frost. I have to tell you about school. I'm not in school. My shoulder has reduced steadily and now I can barely move my arm without being in pain. We have been going to multiple doctor visits and finally have gotten into a Orthopedic Surgeon. I have an oppointment on October 22... And I'm scared. I will need surgery eventually I know that but wether or not I get it now is a different story. So because of my shoulder and multiple other reasons I am not in school and I will be taking my GED next month, in October.
Oh and also in October I am going to Utah to meet Frosts family. It is all so perfect... that it doesn't seem real... I hope that it is and if this is a dream I never want to wake up. So there is a very breif explaination of everything. I will be keeping more up to date on things. Thanks!

Quick Note!!!

K So updated site! I really like it now and I will try to be on here more often, I have lots and lots of news! Love you all and I will be on here shortly and I will make it routine to come on here at least once a week. Hope you like it will write more later! See ya!!!

OH forgot about the paintball game!

So there was this paintball game on saturday. It wasn't as fun as the normal paintball games because it wasn't just our little group of friends with our own rules and woodsball and just having fun. Nope. It was more like speedball which I hate, and we were against people who we didnt really know, and they kept turning their volosities up really high... Here is a shot I took to the arm AFTER I was already out... by the way... this was 20 feet away.

That turned into a very nice bleeding welt... Now it is almost gone and there are just a few cuts left. here is a close up. ya... that nice little redish pink ring... that is the blood and welt. that was fun... I know the guy who shot me too. He goes to Del Oro. The paintball game was Boots's senior project so a lot of people went to try and help him... but it wasn't as fun. and a lot of people got hurt. It was still fun... but not as fun. And then I attacked Ian, lol, apparently that face is his 'seducing face' I was dying laughing when I saw this.

Then when we left I was driving Chris, Ryan, and Alex and we all stopped at Carls Jr. that was fun! lol we were laughing and Ryan was getting all upset because they messed up the order and we were kinda teasing him and ya... it was just fun. :D

A little bit of everything...

So, there has been quite a bit going on! Winter Guard is becoming crazy and I'm kinda ready for it to be over, but only because of my instructor's sister Kim. She is driving me nuts!!! Terri lets us goof off a bit and we tease her and what not but if we do that with Kim... sorry, if I do that with Kim, she acts like she is going to bite my head off. Then there is the famous bruises. Mom hates the fact that I always have bruises and am pretty much always hurt in one way or another, but I'm not bothered by it. It's just like any other sport. You're going to get hurt and every sport has their down falls. I keep hitting my right hand really hard though and my thumb is really taking a beating. Sometimes it feels as if I have broken it. It's constantly hurting now. Other then that though it is fine and I still love performing! :D
Band is great. And one of the few things keeping me sane. Calvo was totally teasing me today. We listened to the recording of a professional band doing Escape From Platos Cave, which is the three part peice that we are doing in concert band, and the french horns were amazing! Given they are professionals AND they have EIGHT HORNS!!!! Compared to three. :S ya... big difference... but there is this part that I always kinda rush through because I'm trying to follow him and he totally stopped the band and said. "You have the whole band in the palm of your hand right now! Draw it out, make it smooth. You heard them on the recording. Take your time and make people think that your the queen of the band." Course during that last part he was kinda humming my part and I was cracking up laughing and turning red and everyone was laughing at him and I. He knows the potential I have and knows how well I play so he doesn't except anything less. I love that, but at the same time, it sucks sometimes.
I'm still confused about next year though... I don't know. Sometimes I really really want to stay and I get all excited about it... but other times... I just want to be done. Like right now. I don't want to be in highschool another year... I really dont. But then I think about marching band and all that stuff and it slowly pulls me back in. Either way I'm not going to be satisfied and I know that, but it really really sucks.
Work is... well... work. I'm getting sick of it. I have been sick of it for a while but now it's just like... meh... I don't wanna go... ever. I just had an interveiw with Chick-fil-a and I have been set up for a second interveiw with them. I'm not sure I want to work there, but I need another job and it's the only place that looks like it might hire me. Glug... I hate fast food. It's a nice fast food place... but it is still fast food. After Wendy's I had promised myself I would never work in fast food ever again. I didn't like it very much, but it looks like that is what i'm going to be stuck with for at least a couple months until I turn 18. Then hopefully I can get a job at a bank or something.
Home life. Well, I am back with my Mother. I live in the dining room area of our apartment and it gets kinda awkward and annoying sometimes. No privacy at all. But at the same time it is really nice to be back. I always loved living with my mom, she is SO EASY to live with and the apartment is nice asside from the guys who hit on me at the pool. There is a work out room that I can use, and the pool is kinda cold but nice and I can sun bathe which I found out that I actually like a lot. Not to mention there is this road next to the apartments that I can run down and it's about 2 miles all the way down and back. I ran the whole thing on Tuesday and then ran half a mile yesterday. I feel great and I feel skinner. I was starting to get that feeling of getting out of shape and getting... (for lack of a better and kinder word) well I was feeling kinda fat. There is only one problem. My right thigh is now hurting. To the touch even, and I don't know what to do. Mom says to let it rest and get off of it but I want to go running again today. which is really weird... I actually want to, but I probably shouldn't. I can't get off of it completely though because i have to work and I have winter guard and percussion. I don't know what to do.
The half mile that I ran yesterday was at my homeschool PE class up at Maidu. Two times ago when I went my half mile was 4 min 30 somethin secs, last time I got 4 min 2 secs, and then yesterday I got 3 min 44 secs!!! I was flabbergausted!!! hehe I love that word. I felt like I was running the same pace that I always do and I was out of breath the same amount, but I was shocked when I heard him say the 3 min. I beat it by almost 20 seconds and that is a lot in running! If I could keep that pace up you know how fast my mile time would be?!?!?! That would be insane!!! AND I was the first girl to come it. That has never happened to me! Also I almost beat one of the boys. OK ok ok... given the fact that most of the girls there dont want to run anyway and the guy I almost beat didn't have shoes on but come on! It made me feel really good. I passed the guy at one point and I don't think he wanted me to beat him because he started running again... He got 3 min 43 secs. HE BEAT ME BY A STUPID SECOND! GIR!!!! lol oh well.
Okay so the last thing I'm going to talk about is Junior Prom and My relationship with Chris. I'm really nervous about Junior Prom. My dress still doesn't fit completely right and it's this weekend. I'm also really worried that Chris will like it or not. I know I know stupid thing to worry about but I am! I have never worn a dress like this before and true I feel beautiful in it... but ... I don't know... I'm just really nervous... Him and I are doing great! I was at his house yesterday and he is totally sweet. A couple weeks ago he kissed me on the forehead and I got kinda giddy because I dont know why but I love it when he does that. It makes me feel special for some odd unknown reason and he wouldn't stop tickling me until I told him that. Well yesterday I was feeling kinda crummy and he just wrapped his arms around me and kissed my forehead and just held me. This sounds really girly and retarded and like its from a movie but seriously when he did that I temporarely forgot about the crumminess. I just felt happy, warm, and safe. Then there was the part when he used tickling to get me to kiss him that was funny. I was laughing like crazy and he wouldn't stop tickling me and he said, "there is just a simple thing that you have to do and I'll stop." That was funny too. Some people think that when Chris is tickling me or we are goofing off or something that he is just using me as a source of entertainment, but you know what? I really could care less. It's fun being able to goof off and be myself around someone. I can't do that around a lot of people. And it sounds crazy but I actually like being tickled by him and having our little poking/pinching fights, and all the other play stuff we do. It's just fun. And aren't you suppose to be able to have fun with the person your dating, love, and married to? (if you are married anyway, no Chris and I are not married, I'm not even 18 yet.) He is my best friend... weather he knows that or not, he is. Cameron is close, she is great, but she will never be the same as him.
I wish my family could see how happy I am when I'm around or talking to him... Yes he hurt me... and he hurt me worse then anyone else ever has... but he is trying and I am trying. We don't want it to end the way it did last time. Yes I'm scared, but that's okay. Please, just try to be happy for me... and stop saying the things you do. It really does bother me, weather I show it or not. I know your just trying to look out for me and love me and what not... but it hurts... I love you all.

A lot has Happened

Okay so here is just a list of what has happened...

At work-
I am now training horses and everyone has quit except for Cameron and I, but both of us are thinking about quiting too. My Boss has now become ... well... for lack of a better discription, kinda the devil herself. She has taken everything out of the job that use to make it fun, we had a relaxed schedule because we are all in high school still and now she is demanding us be there even though we are still getting the work done and then if we call in and tell her we cant make it, like she told us to, we get an ear full for no reason. So pretty much I'm now looking for another job. I am going to miss working with the horses, but I'm not going to miss Darla (my boss).

At School-
I'm in home school now and I was going to try and graduate this year but the stress load of the homework I had was overwhelming and I couldn't handle it. I was crying everyday, true there were other things causing the emotional melt down, but that was a major cause of it. I'm now going to graduate next year as a Del Oro Grad, with the year that I was going to originally before this whole fiasco started. I still don't know how I feel about that. A part of me is sad because I want to be done with highschool, and I'm sick of it... but another part of me is happy because I'm finally finding new friends (granted most of them are graduating this year :( ) and I can still be in marching band and winter guard... I'm just ready to be in college... OH! But, I will be able to go to Sierra next year while going to Del Oro, so that I am happy about and if I do that Sierra is free while I am still in High School :D Wahahahaha

Social Life-
It is good. Cameron is my best girl friend, and I am back together with Chris. (ya ya if you didn't like him shut your trap, I don't care. I'm happy with him) I have some friends that I didn't think I would ever have and I'm being invited to come over to hang, party, sleep, and its a lot of fun.

Home-
Uh... well... ya lets leave that alone for right now.

Physical-
I haven't been working out much and I can feel it. I feel so gross its not even funny... bleh. And I did something the other day and I felt really weak it was really annoying. I need to start running again and working out. Speaking of which I am going to go do that right now.

So pretty much mostly everything is okay. Some things still need a little work and that's okay. Nothing is perfect, nor is anyone. For those of you who may read this in my family who met Chris and don't like him... Ya he hurt me... worse then anyone ever has... but you can't tell me that if your husband or the person you love had left you when you were dating that it wouldn't have hurt you... That kinda happens when the one you love leaves you. Him and I are back together, and I'm not going to say that I fully trust him, because I don't and he knows that. But I know a husband and wife who are still together and the wife is still working on trusting her husband again after something that happened. You don't just give up on the person you love... and even though him and I were apart for 4 months, I don't think I ever stopped loving him... Because you can't just stop loving someone if it is true love. It doesn't work that way. And you don't really know him... he is funny, and fun to be around, him and I can joke around and tease each other, I feel excepted around him, I'm comfortable, and I'm happy... True he isn't mormon, and yes that kinda bothers me, because I want to marry in the temple, but I'm not going to limit my search to mormon boys because there are a lot of them who are NOT as good as people think. I guess what I am trying to say is back off. I'm happy again, and I have my friend, boyfriend, and partner back. Weather it lasts until I die, just a few years, or a couple months, at the moment I am happy again... and if it does end it is going to hurt I know that... but why can't I dwell in the present, not the past or the future. We need to learn from the past, not dwell in it, and we need to focus on the present, not live in the future. That is what I am doing right now. And I have to focus on that otherwise I will get to caught up in everything else and I'll loose it again.
So there you have it. I'm happy, so be happy for me, please. I love you all. See ya around!
Chow!

Lot's of time... not enough to do...

So life has quickly become very boring... I'm in home school as I try to finish up a few classes but that leaves me with the problem of, boredum, not enough to do, not a lot of social time, and the feeling like I'm missing out on a lot of stuff... I was talking to Erin while we were working yesterday and she was going on about some stuff that happened at lunch and it made me feel really awkward that I couldn't really respond to any of it... I don't know what to say because I don't know what she is talking about. I know the people... but all I can do is listen and nod my head and smile...

Workin Out

Wow, I am sore!!! I promised my sister that I would go workout with her, cause she is really focusing on getting back in shape and loosing weight. While she ran on the treadmill I was doing my own workout. My arms are a little sore but it's mainly my lats and shoulders, then again my shoulders always hurt because I broke one of them. Surprisingly my stomach is not that sore. There is an exercise that my fitness fanatic Mother told me about so I did exactly the same thing that she did, same amount of reps and same sets... she was extremely sore but I'm feeling fine.. I'm a little sore but just barely. It is interesting. I haven't actually worked out in a while and it felt so good! I'm definitely going to keep doing it.

My Shiner

If you ever thought that you were embarrassed by something your parent did, try being embarrassed about something you did that your parent did as well.
My mother, when she was in high school, went to a drum major camp. Those of you who don't know what a drum major is; if you have ever seen a marching band, it is the person who is waving their arms around in front of the band. Anyway, she was at camp and was doing some kind of move with her mase, a six foot pole with a big ball on the top, and as she was bringing it up she hit herself in the face and knocked herself out...
That is how special my mother is, but apparently 'the apple doesn't fall far', or so my sister says. This is a picture of me today from an incident that happened two days ago....


Wow... Don't I look LOVELY?!?! I swear I don't normally look like this... Really... And I am NOT as bad as my mom, and I can prove it! My mother had her pole still in her hand, I had no control over mine... Mine was in the air... as if that makes it any better... but I'm trying okay? I am now a part of Winter Guard. For those of you who have seen a marching band... you know those girls that do all the dancing and run around tossing flags and swords and rifles? Ya, that is what I'm doing now... EXCEPT! I am not a Colorguard Member which is what those are called. Winter Guard(W.G.) is during the winter season and actually falls into spring a bit, but instead of doing all the dancing and tossing outside, it is inside to music. Well this year at my high school we have so many members wanting to do W.G. that we have to have two teams. Scholastic and Advanced.
Scholastic is a higher level then the advanced and therefore there has to be very good members on it. People who can move, who can dance. People who pick up on things very quickly, and know how to give their all to preform. Well they also need something else... They need to know how to spin, toss, and catch a flag with a six foot pole in length... and NOT hit themselves... but the funny thing is... I'm on the scholastic team...
I've never touched a flag other then messing around and trying to learn a few things out of curiosity, and also the saber that is required to know if you want to be on the scholastic team. Well, I have hit myself before but those were just minor things... not like this.

There is a move that you do with a flag, it's a toss. You start out with half of the flag behind your back and use the momentum to thrust it forwards and up, letting it spin in the air above your head like a helicopter wing, horizontally. Then catch it a tiny bit above and in front of you. Well... It was cold outside and my hands were pretty much frozen when I went to catch my left handed toss. My fingers didn't have time to wrap around the pole as it came down towards my head. The first hit was the top left side of my forehead but luckily that one only left a small barely noticeable bruise hidden by my hair... The next one would not go unnoticed... as if that isn't obvious. It was the same hit, but it happened to slide down my face and hit my eye and cheek bone... well I guess you can see that. The point is that I'm not completely held responsible... well, I am, but it's not as bad as my mom! Mine wasn't in my hand... and when I do that same toss on the right side I do it perfectly! I'm just not gifted on my left side... oh well... hehe there is an interesting story for you.